When is there ever downtime? Unfortunately it is rare, because we really don't know about every person who has died as a result of police brutality, massacres, bombings, and so forth. We never know until it happens, and it's easy to stay glued to your TV, social media, and other forms of communication to catch every single detail. After a while, glued turns into obsession, and obsession can lead to some erratic behavior.
I know a lot of people think that self-care is "a tumblr thing", but it's been around longer than that. If you have a ritual for cooling down/mellowing out, you've done self-care before. It means a lot of different things to people, so what works for one person might not work for you. The idea is to take a break--long or short--to gather yourself before immersing your person back into whatever it was that was boiling your potato.
I really think with all the shootings, the deaths, and Internet drama, it's important to step back. Yes, you will miss some stuff, but you will also be stepping away from stupid comments, arguments, and flat out ignorance. When you're ready to weather the Internet storm, you come back. If not, stay in your zone for as long as possible. The basic idea of self-care isn't to completely disconnect from the world, but to find a good balance between caring for yourself, and being a functioning human being in society.
However, some people might need longer to disconnect and reconnect again. In some cases, you might need to leave spaces completely. That's okay. Sometimes the excitement and drama is taxing on the soul, and self-care may turn into a need to get professional or faith-based help. For me, that means continuing to chant/pray every single day for kosen-rufu. For someone else, that could mean going to church, attending meetings/rap sessions (you can tell how old I am. RAP. SESSIONS.), or consulting one-on-one with a preacher/pastor/religious leader for advice and guidance.
Self-care takes on many forms, and I just wanted to share what I like to do when I need to chill out. You can incorporate these rituals in your life daily, or in spells. Don't let anyone tell you how you can and cannot use your moment/moments of self-care. As long as you aren't hurting anyone physically or emotionally/mentally, you're all right.
Here are some of my self-care rituals and tips.
- A good ol' hot shower. The hotter, the better. I bring along my iPhone, turn on my bluetooth speaker, and either fire up iHeartRadio, AccuRadio, or Spotify. Sometimes I have my own music. I listen to artists with soothing voices like Prince, Remy Shand, Sade, and Esperanza Spalding. Sometimes when I'm a touch more upset, I'll revert to the music of my teen years--Linkin Park. Or, I'll listen to orchestrated versions of Final Fantasy songs. There is something about warm water, sweetly scented body wash, and a good song that cleanses the emotions.
- Play Dress-Up. We often played these games as children, enjoying our little kits and sets. As adults, the same can be applied. Work on your makeup technique! Dive in your closet and get cute! Take selfies, make a video. Enjoy the moment and feel beautiful. Come up with new looks and show the world!
- Date Night. When's the last time you went out? Could be just you, could be some friends, could just be a trip to the store for goodies. I'll spare you the sordid erotica of "Netflix and Chill solo edition", but you get the idea. You might be home in your favorite loungewear, and that's okay. Take yourself to your favorite place, enjoy.
- Movie Night. Which...tecnhically could be date night, but stick with me. Dig into your collection, go to CouchTuner, flip around on the TV. Binge watch, maybe get into a new series, have your snacks, and recite those lines you know like the back of your hand.
- Spa Treatments. It's cheaper to do at home, but maybe you want someone else to do it for you. Manicures, pedicures, facials. Massages, or just lounging around in your robe all day with some instrumental nature music. Get worked on/work on yourself. Unwind and focus on your happiness in the moment.
- Writing. This one is painfully obvious, but it's a great way to write what I'm feeling. Family and friends (and former boyfriends) know all too well the kind of macabre spider-web ridden prose I write in my freetime. I use this outlet to express what's bothering me, instead of...you know...taking it out on actual people. Since I'd like to become a writer or poet someday, why not flex my writing skills and "get the feels out" at the same time? Write anything. Write good things about yourself, write about what you'd like to change. Just. Write.
- Art. No, the kid can't draw. I can't paint, either. Meanwhile, I have a deviantArt full of odds and ends from moments where I wanted to get something off my chest. Obviously "art" applies to much more than the pad, the paint, and the brush. "Art" is a rather objective term. Whether or not it's good is another story....(which is often argued to death. Oh my goodness. O_o) So just have fun with it. I open up CS5 and go crazy making digital abstract art. There's nothing "great" about it, but it feels gewwwd, man.
- Reading. Get with a good book. Get lost in the world of the characters. Ann Hunter's books are a great place to start. (A Piece of Sky, The Subtle Beauty) A good book makes you think, get involved, and hopefully take your time absorbing the work. Learn something new, or brush up on old topics. Digital or paperback--a whole new world awaits you.
- Hobbies or Projects. Now is a good thing to get involved with that thing you either like, or need to do. Organize your files. Paint that...I dunno...the spice rack? Get some jars and origami star strips, and start a new wish jar. Immerse yourself in something you're good at, or test the waters with something brand new. Be bold, be free, have a good time.
- YouTube For Laughter/Mirth. This is actually a bit of a double edged sword. While YouTube is full of fun, mirth, Markiplier (*swoon*), and Let's Plays, it's a hotbed for attention seekers, conspiracy theorists, and clickbait jerks. I guess if you're into that, those kinds of creators are up your alley. A lot of them use super problematic language that turns me off. HOWEVER--when I want to laugh, I watch JacksFilms, The Odd 1s Out, Markiplier, and MacDoesIt. If they don't have anything new, I sort of surf around to find funny or touching videos. This is the perfect site to find old songs and videos from your past.
- Window shopping--Internet style. Granted we all know about the evils of consumerism and greed, the idea of window shopping is just to look. You don't have to buy if you don't want to, and I don't suggest going into debt just to get that thing you like. It's easy. Go to Amazon, eBay, or wherever you like to shop and start a wishlist. It could be for games you want, a project or hobby you want to get into, or ideas for your future home. Aside from my main list, I have a lot of private lists full of doodads and shiny objects. It's fun to dream and plan.
- Window Shopping/Actual shopping. You don't have to break the bank to have a feel good self-care session. Hit up your local beauty supply store for makeup goodies. Go to the outlet store and find some good deals for yourself/home. Go antiquing! Treat yourself, but treat your wallet nicely. Or, just browse. Take down some names, some items, and come back for them.
- Farming/basic gameplay sessions. Whether it's beefing for Orphan in FF13, gathering material for recipes in FF Exvius, or just flat out crushing some objects on a random app, Playing any kind of video game or casual game is a great way to engage in modern-day self care. Take your hard feelings out on enemies, not people. Draw yourself in with repetitive music and a good soundtrack.
- Music (Sans-Shower). Speaking of a good soundtrack, I have lists of them on Spotify. Some say that music soothes the soul, and speaks to the listener. When I'm not in the shower, I also like to listen to it while working. My obvious go-to is Prince, but I also like Mariah Carey, a little Phil Collins, and Seal. You can take music with you anywhere, as long as you don't get super obnoxious and let everyone else hear it too. Earbuds, my friend. Ear. Buds.
- Karaoke. You are reading from someone who sounds like a murder of Crows at sunrise, backed up by nails on a chalkboard. Still, I LOVE Smule's Sing App. I love looking up old songs, new songs, and just singing along with all my lack-of-talent heart. It's a way to have fun, without the pressure.
- Talk It Out. Baby, whatever it is--talk to someone. Find a group of people with whom you can have healthful conversations. Talk to your family, talk to friends. Do not suffer in silence--ESPECIALLY in the wake of tragedy.
- Disconnection. Sometimes you really just need time away. As I previously said at the start of this entry, it's okay to back away from social media. 2016 has been a hot dang mess for a lot of us, and sometimes you need to mellow out. Seeing the same thing day after day gets you worked up. Take a break. Or...
- Deletion. This goes two ways. Delete the people or things stressing you out, or delete your account altogether. Take a page from my dad's playbook of life: "Sometimes you just gotta cut sh*t out--right at the tip, right on the nub. Love yourself enough to know when enough is e-nough!"
Hopefully you get some ideas on how self-care works. You don't have to follow my list to the letter, and might not find my ideas that great at all. When you know what makes you feel good, you can go out into the world and make it a part of your day to iron out the wrinkles in your life. Above all else--
Always take care of yourself. Never forget "you".